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Green puns 🟢 in 2023

Have we green tea here before?
– I’m getting deja brew.

Green vegetables love going to camp, they get to be Brussel Scouts for the summer.

Leprechauns love to cycle. They’re trying really hard to be even more green than they are.

How can you tell the ocean is friendly? — It waves.

As green jokes go, this is a sad one. A man went outside one day to find someone had taken all the new turf piled on his driveway, he was quite for-lawn.

Oh kale yeah.

It’s not the end of the world if you spill green tea down yourself. At least now you have a green tea shirt.

Get a twiggle on

What’s green and sits in a wheelchair?
– A dead, moldy spastic!

What do green fruit do you eat to keep in tip-top shape?
– A little avo-cardio.

Have you heard of the green tea drinker’s anthem?
– It goes “Sweet dreams are made of tea, who am I to diss a green…”

You have to have nerves of teal to step out of the house wearing an all green outfit.

I went to the Pharmacy today…
– When I got there, I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?” Being I’m a Senior Citizen, I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing, gagging and turning green. When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?” The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!” So I said, “Oh thank God! That’s such a relief! My Doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my Urine for sugar!”

One day a teacher asked her students to use the word beans in a sentence and got some funny results. One student said my mum grows beans, his friend added my dad cooks beans, and another student in the class said we’re all human beans!

Did you know that there is such a thing as a green shellfish?
– They’re called shamrock lobsters.

Why did the leaf go to the doctor? — It was feeling green.

If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He’ll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.

Don’t kale my vibe.

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