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Nurse puns in 2024

I don’t find nurse puns funny anymore since I developed an irony deficiency.

The window decided to pay a visit to his house physician as he was in a lot of pane!

What is it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses?
– A mid-wife crisis!

After suffering an accident, I was taken to the hospital. The student nurse wanted to stitch my hand, but I refused,
– so she angrily retorted, “Suture self!”.

The alligator was badly injured while fighting a shark, so he visited the jungle hospital. The nurse immediately brought him gator-aid!

Before my surgery, the nurse asked me for an emergency contact number. I told her: “It’s 911.”

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong…
– Is probably going off duty.

Boxers and nurses have a very special bond amongst themselves. They always know how and when to stick and move!

Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers into work?
– In case they have to draw blood.

The invisible man was hurt in an accident, so he went to the hospital. As it was packed with patients, the student nurse said that she can’t see him now!

When one nurse gave the other nurse a list of names of organ donors sorted in alphabetical order, the second nurse teased, “Wow, these are so organized”.

The state hospital had great wifi in the infectious diseases ward. I think it was probably because it was a hot spot!

The nurse visited the library of the hospital to take notes on her anatomy lessons. As soon as she took the book, she noticed that someone had taken the appendix out!

The patient who was in the hospital woke up coughing. The nurse checked and said it could be pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but then it is quite a hard thing to say at first!

I once needed saline, so I was hospitalized. The nurse gave an I.V. drip, but it turned out that the drip had expired. I think the nurse gave me a poison I.V.

The nurse who drew my blood at the hospital kept persuading me that my blood was type B, but I am pretty sure that it was a Type O!

Nurse: Sorry for the waiting
– Me: No problem, I’m patient.

A nurse and a soldier stepped into a hospital together. The soldier claimed that he was supposed to report there, but the nurse made him understand that he was at a different front line!

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