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Calculus puns in 2025

Calculus:
An integral part of mathematics

Calculus professor asked why he should curve the grades to our test.
I said, “It’s a calc class, I guess you could say curves are integral to our class.”

Groans filled the room. I laughed hysterically.

I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus
– but graphing is where I draw the line

My calculus professor was 16 minutes late to his first class, 8 minutes late to his second, and 4 minutes late to the third.
– At this rate, he will never be in class on time.

Newton: I’ve discovered calculus(1664)
Leibneiz: I’ve discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.

Not-really-new but improved calculus joke
f(x)=e^x and f(x)=ln(x) walk into a party. After a while, ln(x) is chatting everyone up and having a great time, while e^x is leaning on the wall and sulking. ln(x) asks eˣ what’s wrong, and e^x says “I’m nervous about integrating.” ln(x) replies: “Oh, it’s simple, just be yourself and see.”

I made the mistake of having a beer while doing my calculus homework last night…
– I got in trouble for drinking and deriving.

When taking a calculus exam, make sure you don’t sit between identical twins.
– Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.

Came up with this in calculus class
A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.
“To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object.”
A confused student asks, “y?”
“y₀,” says the professor.

If you want to major in calculus…
the sky is the “limit”…

Never take a calculus exam when you are sitting next to two identical twins.
– It’s really hard to differentiate between them.

When God was integrating Planet Earth, he suddenly recalled his Calculus lesson.
– He remembered to add the sea.

Calculus Teacher: It’s not the Uncle Derivative.
It’s the Auntie Derivative.

First day of calculus summer session today…
(Right before I leave)

Mom:Be safe driving over there

Me: Ok, Mom

Dad: Be safe deriving over there

Me: Goddamnit

What’s the single form of calculus?
– Calculme.

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated in between two identical twins.
– I couldn’t differentiate between them.

In college i thought General Calculus was a Roman war hero

Why is the south bad at calculus?
– They don’t know how to integrate.

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