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Money puns ๐Ÿ’ฐ in 2023

There’s nothing I’ve learned from being a parent that I couldn’t just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

I won 3 million dollars in the lottery this weekend, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
– Now I have $2,999,999.75.

What do you call really tall expenses?
– Overhead

A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesnโ€™t expect to be paid back.

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it
– because the thief spends less than me.

If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments.

The other, a wealthy businessman, unfortunately canโ€™t make it to the ceremony so instead he offers to pay for the entire thing.

My financial advisor asked me “What’s your net worth?”
– I said “I don’t own a net”.

โ€œMoney is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.โ€

You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really,
– there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.

Whatโ€™s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?
– Win the lottery.

Iโ€™m so good at financeโ€ฆ

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide
– CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

โ€œAnyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.โ€

When does it rain money?
– When there is change in the weather.

I saw a homeless guy on the street with a sign that said, โ€œOne day, this could be you.โ€
– I put my money back in my pocket, just in case heโ€™s right

What does an accountant use to hang decorations?
– Tax

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