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Money puns in 2024

Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

How much money does a skunk have?
– One scent!

My jam business failed.

My financial situation is so bad…
…I’m being sponsored by a child in Africa.

“Money often costs too much.”

Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
– He wanted cold, hard cash!

How did the Marine pay for food on his business trip?
– He used his carpe per diem

A woman proudly told her friend, “I’m responsible for making my husband a millionaire.”
– “Well what was he before he married you?”
– the friend asked. “A billionaire.”

If time is money are ATM’s time machines?

I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter.
– I can’t really talk about it.

“Oh yeah,” the brother replies.
– “Dad always wanted to go out in style so we rented him a tuxedo.”

Why did the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt?
– Pyramid schemes.

“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.”

Nothing says’ I love my dog’ quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own

It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. It does,
– however, put you in a good position to bargain.

My finances got spread too thin.

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers’ balances and deal with financial issues.
– They’re the account ants

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