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Doctor puns in 2024

Why did the doctors appointment with the centipede take so long?
– Because he sprained his ankles.

Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?
– The hip replacement guy.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
– So she gets a divorce

Why is a doctor always calm?
– Because it has a lot of patients.

When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist

Why do shoes go to the doctors?
– To be heeled.

Why did the cell phone go see an eye doctor?
– Because it needed some new contacts.

A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past

I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
– Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

The doctor knew she was destined to be an osteopath,
– she could feel it in her bones.

What kind of medical condition causes wrinkled clothes?
– An iron deficiency.

He slapped his two inches on the doctors desk. The doctor said “What is wrong with it?” “It’s swollen.”

Tesla just started production of medical gear to support hospital workers…
– The Elon Mask is their first product.

How do you give medical treatment to a sick pig?
– With oinkment.

Why did the doctor laugh at the X-ray of an arm?
– Because he found the X -ray humerus.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age
– but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

Just called to make an appointment with a psychic but she told me that I don’t show up.

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