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Doctor puns ๐Ÿ‘จโ€โš•๏ธ in 2022

What did the doctor say to the alcoholic?
– Keep taking the Pils

Why did the rope go to the doctors?
– Because it had a knot in its stomach.

Conjunctivitis.com, that’s a site for sore eyes.

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage.
– She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.
– I look at the therapist and said, “Divorce is strong with this one!”

What do seals do when they need medical attention?
– Sea kelp

A guy made so many rash decisions he decided to become a dermatologist.

The doctor told a patient “you have acute appendicitis” the patient replied “is that better than an ugly one?”

I’m not a doctor but I know adding cheese to anything makes it an antidepressant.

What kind of medical condition causes wrinkles clothes?
– An iron deficiency.

Why did the doctors appointment with the centipede take so long?
– Because he sprained his ankles.

Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?
– The hip replacement guy.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
– So she gets a divorce

Why is a doctor always calm?
– Because it has a lot of patients.

When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

Why do shoes go to the doctors?
– To be heeled.

Why did the cell phone go see an eye doctor?
– Because it needed some new contacts.

A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past

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