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Terrible puns in 2024

Pencils could be made with erasers at each end, but what would be the point?

What do you call a happy cowboy?
-A jolly rancher.

 I saw an ad that said “television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full” and I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?
-He neverlands.

If a kid won’t take a nap, is that “resisting a rest”?

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
-Dam.

Becoming vegetarian was a huge missed steak.

Doctor, doctor, help! I think I’m shrinking! Take this and you’ll be back to normal in a few weeks.
-Until then, you’ll just have to be a little patient.

Don’t ever believe an atom, they make up everything.

Straws are for suckers.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

What did one eye say to the other?
-Between you and me, something smells.

If you see an Apple Store get robbed, does that make you an iWitness?

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
-A walkie talkie.

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.
-Unfortunately he lost his case.

If loving kindness changes your life, is that Mettamorphosis?

Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
– Because they have two left feet.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
– Because her students were so bright.

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