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Red puns 🔴 in 2023

To the thief who stole my entire supply of Red Bull
How do you sleep at night?

It was so bad I had to push her away from me.
So the other week the lady and I went for a hike up in the Berkeley Hills and we came across some cows. There were two cows that were affectionate towards each other and their hair colors matched ours (she has red hair, I have black) and she said oh look, that’s us if we were cows!

Fast forward to this morning. We were lazy getting out of bed (one too many fernets last night) and I mentioned we should pay a visit to our cow buddies.

She replies with the biggest shit eating grin I’ve ever seen her do: “Dont you mean our COW-nterparts?!”

I had to push her off me and get outta bed after that one. (Mostly jealous that I didn’t think of it)

Daughter was asking about planets….
… she asked me, “are any hot?”

I said, “Yes, Mercury and Venus are hot because they are so close to the sun.”

She asked, “Are any cold?”

“Yes, the ones outside our orbit are cold. Mars, Jupiter and so on.”

“What color are they?”, she asked…

“Well, the Earth is blue and green, Mars is red because of iron, Jupiter has a cool red spot…”

“What color is Uranus?”

…. …. ….

“It’s brown, and very windy.”

The nurse always carried a red pen in her pocket in case she needed to draw blood.

I applied a red food coloring to my sheep.
It dyed.

My wife spilled her red hair coloring all over the bathroom…
It looked like somebody dyed in there…

My favorite colors are red, green, and blue.
They are the only colors I see.

What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much?
– Light blue

When I broke my brother’s favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.

My wife spilled her red hair coloring all over the bathroom
It looked like somebody dyed in there…

Red Bull have removed Honda from their name

TIL the color magenta doesn’t exist, it is your brain trying to make sense of your red and blue cones activating while the green is inactive.
Turns out, it’s a pigment of your imagination

Do you know why they banned those red coloring dental tablets that revealed where you hadn’t brushed your teeth properly?
– Because every time your dentist gave them to you she dyed a little inside!

Been seeing the “bolter rounds are the size of a Red Bull can” a lot recently, so made a scale for .75 cal as accurately as I could.

TV news anchors love the shades of red. They get serious whenever there is Burgundy.

Proud dad moment
– Today I held up three colored balls in my hand. One red, one green, and one blue. My 1yr old son (after much debate) chose the red one. I’ve never been so proud. He has earned the right to play with my old game boy now.

The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, “Don’t look while I am changing”.

What do you think about Red Bull’s strategy starting the race on the soft tyres?
Good decision or could it backfire?

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