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Red puns 🔴 in 2023

It was so bad I had to push her away from me.
So the other week the lady and I went for a hike up in the Berkeley Hills and we came across some cows. There were two cows that were affectionate towards each other and their hair colors matched ours (she has red hair, I have black) and she said oh look, that’s us if we were cows!

Fast forward to this morning. We were lazy getting out of bed (one too many fernets last night) and I mentioned we should pay a visit to our cow buddies.

She replies with the biggest shit eating grin I’ve ever seen her do: “Dont you mean our COW-nterparts?!”

I had to push her off me and get outta bed after that one. (Mostly jealous that I didn’t think of it)

Have you ever seen a red toad? They turn that color when they eat red mushrooms.
If you don’t believe me, just go check some toadstool.

My favorite colors are red, green, and blue.
They are the only colors I see.

What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much?
– Light blue

To the thief who stole my entire supply of Red Bull
How do you sleep at night?

My wife spilled her red hair coloring all over the bathroom
It looked like somebody dyed in there…

What do this joke and taking a sip of food coloring have in common?
– They’ll both make you dye a little on the inside.

-Rioja lovers always support Liverpool. They absolutely love the Reds!

Why is red colorblind kids favorite color?
– It’s rad

Was painting with the Mrs. last night and…
…she told me that we didn’t have a color we needed.

So this morning I said “I had a dream last night that I found that color for you, but when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.”

Got a groan from her, mission accomplished.

I red a book about colors…
it blue me away!

When the well-read bird decided to open a restaurant, he named it Red Robin.

If someone who was RG colorblind and had REDdit would they see the app as Blackdit?
– Black, Red color blindness. Reddit Blackdit

Red wasn’t feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.

You know, it’s really ironic how the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom.
– Except when there flashing behind you.

I wasn’t expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.

Daughter was asking about planets….
… she asked me, “are any hot?”

I said, “Yes, Mercury and Venus are hot because they are so close to the sun.”

She asked, “Are any cold?”

“Yes, the ones outside our orbit are cold. Mars, Jupiter and so on.”

“What color are they?”, she asked…

“Well, the Earth is blue and green, Mars is red because of iron, Jupiter has a cool red spot…”

“What color is Uranus?”

…. …. ….

“It’s brown, and very windy.”

The nurse always carried a red pen in her pocket in case she needed to draw blood.

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