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Vampire puns in 2024

I hope you have a bloody good Halloween!

My friend who’s a vampire was depressed. I told him to drink B positive.

what do you call a vampire that drinks blood between meals?
– snackula

Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.

What are the apartments that vampires visit when they go to NYC? The Vampire State Building.

The other day I got really down, and felt like I totally sucked. A vampire cheered me up though, he told me we all get drained every now and again.

Dracula really doesn’t have any other vampire friends. It’s because he’s a total pain in the neck.

If I had to choose, I think I’d rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.
– Beets the alternative.

Q: Who does Dracula get most of his mail from?
A: His fang club.

A vampire can’t be a comedian. They just aren’t funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.

My friend was caught stealing from our local shop while sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

How to you tell if a vampire is sick?
– By how much he is coffin

What do you call a russian vampire?
– Blyat cyka

What is said by a child vampire before going to bed? Turn off the light because I am scared of the light.

Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don’t think they’re funny, but it’s probably to do with them being pun-dead.

A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn’t faulty or anything, he just said he couldn’t see himself using it.

Why don’t vampires bet on horses?
– They can’t handle the stakes.

The local vampire social club is constantly gritting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood.

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