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Knife puns in 2024

For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife
– Not made to scale

What’s the difference between a man with multiple stab wounds and a knife juggler?
– Practice.

I made certain that the knife did not outsmart me.

Although the majority of the individuals having lots of knives appear to be dangerous, they are actually knife people.

Never trust a surgeon
– They will put a knife in your back whilst you’re not looking.

My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, “This dinner is disgusting”
– then my wife said, “Well, boil your own toast next time then”

I asked my dad where the whetstone was. He asked to see what I wanted sharpened. I handed him my knife, he looks at it and tells me,
– “you don’t want this knife. A dull knife is pointless!”

What was told by the knife to the tuxedo?
– Looking sharp.

I started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt a few years ago.
– Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.

What kind of food does a toddler prepare with a sharp knife in the kitchen?
– Finger food.

What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
– A heartless killer.

When it comes to sharpening pencils,
– there’s never a dull moment.

Have you heard of the woman who was able to stop a knife fight by making use of cake batter?
-She definitely took a whisk boldly.

My friend told me I always say phrases wrong
– But he’s not the brightest knife in the chandelier

Inventor displays the first knife ever.
– His friend, “that’s the greatest invention since bread”
– Inventor, “well I’m about to blow your mind”

I like to dissapoint.
– Screw you point!! You are so dull you are pointless!!

It’s knife to see you all!

The person made an attempt of mugging me using a blunt knife the other day.-It had been totally pointless.

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