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History puns in 2024

Why did Columbus cross the ocean?
– To get to the other tide.

When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.

A teacher asks one of their pupils, “Can you describe Napoleon’s origin?”

– The pupil replies, “‘Course I can.” (Corsican)

What do you call a detective from the Reformation?

– Martin Sleuther.

When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair,
– “I didn’t think you would embar go my dear one.”

In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.

When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.

My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History,
– she tends to Babylon.

Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
– Because he couldn’t lie.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

– Pilgrims.

The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.

King Arthur’s army was too tired to fight, because of all the sleepless knights.

King Arthur’s Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.

Why was WWI so quick?

– Because they were Russian.

Why was WW2 so slow?

– Because they were Stalin.

The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was “Most likely to secede.”

While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class,
– our teacher told us, “If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan.”

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
– Yeah, it cracked me up too!

The Roman Empire was cut in half by a pair of Caesars.

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