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Nut puns in 2024

What type of nut doesn’t like baseball?
– A sick nut.

Your secret is safe with me. I walnut give it away.

Nut-thing lasts forever, except my love for you!

What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
– The nut-tivity.

A pun about nuts was started to be told by Chris, but he wasn’t able to complete the joke.

Why do ground squirrels make great bodybuilders?
– Because they live on pine nuts and believe in no pine, no gain.

What’s a horror nuts favorite movie?
– Answer: The Creature from the Black Legume

What do you call a nut that’s also a majestic sea creature?
– A Nar-walnut.

When I understood that I am what I consume, I learned that I was nuts.

Why do motivational speakers hand out walnuts to their clients?
– To ensure they walnut fail.

When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.

The local Ice Cream man was found dead on the floor of his van, covered in nuts, sprinkles and sauce.
– The police think he topped himself.

I tried to come up with a squirrel pun but everything I thought of was nuts.

What was said by the wind to the palm tree?
– HOLD ONTO YOUR NUTS ITS GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF A BLOW!

Why did the squirrel tell his friends he thought he was nuts?
– Because he was told you are what you eat and he pretty much lived on nuts.

I would tell you a joke about peanut butter but you might spread it.

I will nut tella anyone about our secret stash of nuts.

This is nut so solid. It’s peanut brittle.

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