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Doctor puns in 2025

What do you give a sick lemon?
– Lemonaid.

The medical examiners were told to reduce their spending, so they had to cut coroners.

What did one leg say to the other leg on valentines day?
– I kneed you.

Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” Me: “And?”

What medical condition were pirates prone to?
– Restless peg syndrome.

What do you call a fish with a medical degree?
– A sturgeon.

The new doctor is very sweet, have you met Doctor Pepper?

I don’t think I’ll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother’s Day
– a doctor for a son-in-law.

I just learned the medical name for Viagra
– Mycoxaflopin

What do a dentist and a tennis coach have in common?
– They both use drills!

Someone once told me a pun about amnesia,
– but I’ve forgotten how it goes.

Did you hear about the girl who lost her left side?
– She’s all right now.

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency,
– I always write, “A very good doctor”.

What is the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?
– Roverdose

What happened to the girl who ate food colouring?
– She dyed a little inside.

A patient’s medical record said they had blood type B,
– but it was a type O.

What did the bladders say to each other on valentines day?
– Urine my thoughts.

Last week my Doctor told me I was going deaf.
– I haven’t heard from him since.

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