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Doctor puns in 2025

I’m not a doctor but I know adding cheese to anything makes it an antidepressant.

Why did the bucket go the doctor?
– He was looking a bit pail.

Why do eye doctors live so long?
– They dilate.

Sign at the Urologist’s office: URINE good hands.

I recently failed my Medical College entrance exam because of nerves.
– The correct answer was blood vessels.

Man: “When I bend my arm like this it hurts?”
– Doctor: “Well, stop doing it!”

At night, you have to wait ages for an X-ray
– because there’s only skeleton staff working.

Where do medical students go to study?
– The hippocampus.

The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.

Two guys broke into a medical cannabis dispensary and were later arrested.
– They were definitely ‘pot-ners in crime’

Why did the bee keeper go to the doctor?
– Because they had hives.

Where is the best place in the hospital to read ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and other old poems?
– The Serious Burns Unit.

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory,
– he made me pay in advance.

The doctor hands me the baby and tells me my wife didn’t make it.
– So I politely return the baby and ask for the one my wife made.

What did the dentist said to the Sabretooth tiger?
– You have outstanding teeth.

Why did the snowman go to the doctors?
– He felt a bit chilly.

Why was the doctor angry?
– They lost all of their patients.

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, “I’ve not seen you for a while.”
– The man replies, “Yes, I’ve been ill.”

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