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Doctor puns in 2025

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
– A lip reader.

Why was the duck sued for medical malpractice?
– He was a quack.

How do you cure a sick bird?
– With tweetment.

Have you met the new midwives, Doctor Ova Ree and Doctor D. Livery?

My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I’d start lying to my wife

Dentist: “You need a crown.” Patient: “Finally someone who understands me”

I hate that feeling after surgery when you’re not sure if you’re awake or asleep or if you operated on the right patient.

Why did the window go to the doctor?
– It had a lot of pane.

What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
– Try to make yourself look nice, the doctor is taking us out!

I have an inferiority complex but it’s not a very good one

What animal is the best at keeping your medical information confidential?
– A HIPAA-potamus

What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
– A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
– Because they felt crummy.

I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal conditions
– but someone had taken the appendix out.

A patient parked in a hospital car park.
– Someone came over and said “this is for badge holder’s only”.
– The patient said “but I have got a bad shoulder”.

Today I was checked by Dr. B. Gee. I hope I will be stayin’ alive.

What is the most common medical issue for swimmers?
– Strokes

What did the frog say when it found out it had a broken leg?
– “I’m unhoppy!”

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