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Doctor puns in 2025

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life.
– He was right—I feel ten years older already

Where do sick boats go to get healthy?
– To the dock!

What’s the difference between God and a Doctor?
– God knows he’s not a Doctor

Why did the pillow go to the doctors?
– They felt a bit stuffy.

Where did the boat go to sleep?
– The doc.

patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

I just learnt the medical name for Viagra
– Mycoxaflopin

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso

Why did the banana go to the doctors?
– Because he wasn’t peeling well!

The best dermatologists start their careers from scratch.

What is it called when you can’t sleep but eat all night instead?
– Insomnomnomnia

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?
– A lip reader.

Why was the duck sued for medical malpractice?
– He was a quack.

How do you cure a sick bird?
– With tweetment.

Have you met the new midwives, Doctor Ova Ree and Doctor D. Livery?

My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him I’d start lying to my wife

Dentist: “You need a crown.” Patient: “Finally someone who understands me”

I hate that feeling after surgery when you’re not sure if you’re awake or asleep or if you operated on the right patient.

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