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Doctor puns in 2025

Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?
– The hip replacement guy.

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A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
– So she gets a divorce

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Why is a doctor always calm?
– Because it has a lot of patients.

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When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist

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Why do shoes go to the doctors?
– To be heeled.

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Why did the cell phone go see an eye doctor?
– Because it needed some new contacts.

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A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past

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I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
– Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

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I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry.

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