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Foot puns in 2024

I hate action figures with no feet, I really just can’t stand them.

The podiatrist is really mean with his money,
– when he is out for dinner with friends he never wants to foot the bill.

Who is the most famous footwear philosopher?
– Sockrates

What happens when you park your car 6.28 feet over the lines?
– It gets tau’d.

How is 3+3=7 the same as your left foot?
– It’s not right!

I was trying shoes on but one pair was a size too small,
– so my feet got toe-tally stuck!

How does Mary Poppins cure smelly feet?
– She tells you to step in thyme!

What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle.
– A meter stick

What did the man with two left feet wear?
– Flip flips.

What is the foot’s favorite type of chips?
– Dori-toes!

I took a video of my new pair of shoes yesterday.
– I have just watched it back, and it really made for some excellent footage.

I broke my foot and went in for a routine surgery,
– but I left the hospital with two fewer limbs: it cost an arm and a leg!

Why do polar bears never get married?
– Because they always get cold feet.

My brother said he can’t date someone without feet.
– I guess he is lack-toes-intolerant

What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
– A slipper!

Always stay off lawns which have recently been fertilized,
– because you don’t want to let grass grow under your feet.

Why do podiatrists never have any friends?
– Because when they meet someone, they always get off on the wrong foot.

Why did the pair of socks decide to break up?
– Because one of them always had to be right, and the other one left.

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