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Foot puns in 2025

My doctor said he’d have me back on my feet in two weeks, and it’s a good thing he did too because
– I had to sell my car to foot the bill!

I was at home with my parents while I recovered from a broken foot.
– One day, after six months, my dad came home and told me it was time to leave.
– He wanted me to stand on my own two feet, but I told him I needed time to heel!

What did the dog say to his podiatrist when he received his diagnosis?
– Nothing, there was an uncomfortable paws!

What kind of socks do you need to plant flowers?
– Garden hose!

My grandfather hated people with deformed feet
– He was lack toes intolerant.

What kind of shoes do lazy people wear?
– Loafers!

And now people, it’s time to foot your best foot forward!

Why can’t the podiatrist convert numbers into metric?
– He can only work in feet!

How do you save your wife from drowning?
– Take your foot off of her neck.

I was confident I could win the duel until my opponent swung his sword at my ankles.
– Alas, I was de-feeted.

What does a foot do to remember a special moment?
– He takes a pho-toe!

What do cheetahs have on their feet?
– Chee-toes!

It’s really easy to surprise a duck, they’re often caught flat footed.

Paul’s height is six feet, he is an assistant at a butcher shop and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?
– Meat.

Which two Ancient Greek philosophers had the nicest feet?
– Pla-toe and Sock-rates!

I’m afraid I have to return my new shoes because they have terrible frequency.
– I put them on once and now my feet really hertz.

How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
– He just follows the big footpath!

If you want to run a race but you wear the wrong shoes,
– you will suffer the agony of de-feet.

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