Most Popular Categories

All Categories

Green puns in 2025

What’s green and sits in a wheelchair?
– A dead, moldy spastic!

What do green fruit do you eat to keep in tip-top shape?
– A little avo-cardio.

Have you heard of the green tea drinker’s anthem?
– It goes “Sweet dreams are made of tea, who am I to diss a green…”

You have to have nerves of teal to step out of the house wearing an all green outfit.

I went to the Pharmacy today…
– When I got there, I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?” Being I’m a Senior Citizen, I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing, gagging and turning green. When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?” The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!” So I said, “Oh thank God! That’s such a relief! My Doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my Urine for sugar!”

One day a teacher asked her students to use the word beans in a sentence and got some funny results. One student said my mum grows beans, his friend added my dad cooks beans, and another student in the class said we’re all human beans!

Did you know that there is such a thing as a green shellfish?
– They’re called shamrock lobsters.

Why did the leaf go to the doctor? — It was feeling green.

If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He’ll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.

Don’t kale my vibe.

It’s hard to get anything done at a vegetarian dinner party. You end up with too much on your plate.

Seed between the lines

Don’t forget your kha-ki’s mum, you said we’re going for a drive.

Why are pool tables green?
– You’d be green too if you had your balls shot around like that…

There’s a great church nearby, with a living roof and walls. It also has some great stained grass windows.

Green and Yellow recently split up. Green has been very blue ever since.

What do green tea drinkers sing as an anthem?
– Sweet dreams are made of tea, who am I to dis-a-green.

What do you call a mis-shapen green bean?
– A zom-bean.

Follow us on Facebook