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Hand puns in 2025
Julius Caesar walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers
And says “Give me five beers”.
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(0) What did the cop say to a hand? You are under a-wrist.
(0)(0) I don’t like it when my friend has a hand sanitizer and I don’t. He’s always rubbing it in.
(0)(0) Everyone always tells me that I have my right to bear arms. But I never want to fight any bear for its arms.
(0)(0) Did you hear about a poker player that lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement? He’s been finding it hard to deal.
(0)(0) I cut my finger chopping cheese
but I think that I may have grater problems.
(0)(0) Why is dry beef’s handwriting very bad? Because it’s very jerky.
(0)(0) “I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.”
(0)(0) Magicians always have rabbits inside their hats because they usually have trix up in their sleeves.
(0)(0) Why is everyone’s elbow so boney? That’s because it’s El Bone.
(0)(0) What’s the opposite of lady fingers?
Mentos.
(0)(0) My father just won three hands in poker. He said, “Some people really gamble anything to keep playing.”
(0)(0) Imagine a deadly disease you could kill with soap and water, but half the people are like “Meh, it’s more important for me and my kids to socialize.”
(0)(0) I got back from the Transformers convention today, and boy, my arms are tired.
(0)(0) What would it be called if a wife gifted a timepiece to her husband to wear on his wrist? It’d be called bae-watch.
(0)(0) I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said “Look Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”
I said “I sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”
(0)(0) What is the rudest thing to say to someone who has lost their fingers? We are crossing fingers for you.
(0)(0) If one ever cuts out their left hand, their right hand will be left.
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