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Hand puns in 2024

My hands are so dry they feel like they belong to someone else

If you swat a mosquito on your arm, he died in vein.

Why don’t octopi have forearms? It’s because they have eight arms.

I was cleaning my finger gun the other day…
And shot a hole in my air guitar.

What tree can fit in one’s hand? A palm tree.

Is it a fair deal to get married? On one hand, they would wear a ring, but on the other, they wouldn’t.

I cut the arms of my already broken doll to make it new again. It was one of the best decisions I made, hands down.

What did the doctor suggest to the guy that broke his arm in four places? The doctor told him to stop going to the four places.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says
“Five beers, please.”

A friend and I were doing laundry and she asked for a hand to dry the clothes. I said, “I would but my hands are TIDE”.

“Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. I was involved in very organised crime.”

I got my arm transplant at such a great price yesterday. It was discounted at a second-hand store.

Why shouldn’t every animal have guns? Because then they would become armadillos.

I broke my finger yesterday…
Blue foam everywhere, definitely not worth the money!

My grandfather was a soldier who lost all the feeling in his fingers after the war. I believe he’s out of touch.

I tell everyone this. I wonder why people don’t shake my hand

A man walked into a shop with a roll of tarmac under one arm and said, “one box of orange juice to stay, and give me another for the road.”

What would it be called if a tattoo on a person’s arm becomes the only way of identifying a dead person? It’d be called a handy clue.

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