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History puns in 2025

What did King George think of the American colonies?
– He thought they were revolting.

Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.

Why were Native Americans in America first?

– They had reservations.

During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn’t give a dam.

When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, “You’re just going to lose it.”

The type of lighting that Noah had used in his ark was Floodlights.

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
– The bartender asks, “You mean a martini?”

– The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for one.”

Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.

How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles?
– Baroque.

If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be “Club Can’t Even Handel Me.”

The problem with studying history is that the teachers just seem to Babylon.

Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don’t care.

One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.

Why did Karl Marx dislike Early Grey tea?

– Because proper tea is theft.

Henry VIII had breathing troubles – he had no heir!

We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us,
– “Don’t let this evolve into an argument.”

How was the Roman Empire Cut in Half?
– With a pair of Caesars

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency
– even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.

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