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Knife puns in 2025

For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife
– Not made to scale

What’s the difference between a man with multiple stab wounds and a knife juggler?
– Practice.

Is simply was not able to cut it any longer.

A bandage is giving a speech to an auditorium full of people when all of a sudden, in walks a leg with a knife wound…
…the bandage says “I suppose we better wrap this up”

I can’t think of a good knife pun.
– Anybody want to take a stab at it?

How do you surprise someone who is dull and drab and boring?
– Unique up on ’em

Your mom happens to be so ugly that she was able to turn a knife into a motionless statue.

What is the knife which King Arthur uses for cutting his omelettes called?
– Eggxcalibur.

A thief pointed a knife at me and said “your money or your life”-
– I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.

Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.
– A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.
– Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.

What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils?
– Broken

What is the favorite knife of a cow?
– A moo-chete.

I was cutting into an apple the other day and the knife broke as it reached the centre.
… that’s pretty hard core.

I used my knife to conserve ammo…
– the rest of the paintball tournament were horrified

Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
– Today he died of his gunshot wounds.

If I put a cheddar cheese stick in a pencil sharpener
– Will it come out sharp or shredded?

I to the decision to switch to a knife once I started running out of ammunition.

I decided to use my knife to save ammo
– Apparently that’s not allowed in paintball

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