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Knife puns in 2025

What happened when the knife went for a drive?
– It took a sharp turn

I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD
– It cuts like a knife

What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?- A pairing knife

Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener?
– The sharpener made a better point.

Although I went knife shopping yesterday, I came back empty-handed. Not anyone of them was able to make the cut.

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she growled angrily. “Sorry, force of habit.” I chuckled. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”
– “Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

Today I donated all my money and my phone to a poor fella like me
– You wouldn’t believe my happiness when he put the knife back in his pocket.

What did people say after two satellite dishes got married?
-The wedding was dull, but the reception was great.

For what reason did John throw the alarm clock out of his window?

In case you shred cheese using a knife he does not become any greater.

broke my knife in to pieces-
– I’ll have to use a fork

How do you break up two blind guys fighting?-
Yell, “My money’s on the guy with the knife!”

I was sharpening my hatchet…
– …and my wife asked, “hows your knife sharpening going?”
– “I think I made my point,” I replied.

For what reason do individuals flee from you in case you possess a knife but charger to in case you possess a gun?
– Because you need to pay an additional charge for possessing guns.

When I see couple’s names carved into a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet.
– I think it’s strange how many people take a knife on a date.

What do you do when you’re in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
– Go for the juggler.

Homeless man attacks kid with a knife -Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.

What did the cat use to sharpen its claws?
– Me. Ow.

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