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Knife puns in 2024

I need a pencil sharpener.
– Just to put it bluntly.

When I was not able to find a knife for cutting open the package I used a CD instead for getting the job done.
– The knife I bought yesterday has got cutting-edge technology.

I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x
– He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket

I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
– He was the very model of shivalry

Advice from an old native American hunter:-Never go hunting for buffalo with a dull spear, it is pointless.

I found out a flourishing knife company.-Key to success happens to be the most recent cutting-edge technology used by us.

I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging few years ago.-
– Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

Found a fork in the road the other day. It was outside my local chip shop…

Used a dad joke on my dad
– He was sharpening a pencil with his pocket knife but kept cutting the end off. “Dad if you keep this up its just going to be pointless.”

What was told by the knife to the other one?
– Knife to see you.

What is a knife without any purpose called?
– Pointless.

What happened when the knife went for a drive?
– It took a sharp turn

I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD
– It cuts like a knife

What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?- A pairing knife

Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener?
– The sharpener made a better point.

Although I went knife shopping yesterday, I came back empty-handed. Not anyone of them was able to make the cut.

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she growled angrily. “Sorry, force of habit.” I chuckled. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”
– “Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

Today I donated all my money and my phone to a poor fella like me
– You wouldn’t believe my happiness when he put the knife back in his pocket.

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