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Money puns in 2024

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

I am going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.

Why did the little boy eat his cash?
– Because it was his dinner money!

What do you get when you combine Finland and France?
– Finance.

My financial adviser said I should be tight with my money.
– So when I got home I high-fived my wallet.

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut?
– Because silence is golden.

What type of investment do Wall Street traders call a “007?”
– A bond.

I repaired the building we pay rent for…
– It’s safe to say it’s a “fixed” cost

I’m normally not one to brag about my financial skills but my credit card company calls me almost every day to inform me my balance is outstanding!

If money really did grow on trees,
– what would be everyone’s favorite season? Fall.

What did the duck say after he went shopping?
– Put it on my bill!

All of a sudden a genie pops out and tells the man in his booming voice,
– “You have three wishes, but be careful; for whatever you wish, your ex-wife gets double.”

My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.
– “Crippling depression,” I told him.

“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”

Living on earth may be expensive,
– but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

Why is money called dough?
– Because we all knead it!

Did you hear about the crab in financial difficulty?
– It was starting to feel the pinch.

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