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Money puns in 2025

My finances got spread too thin.

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers’ balances and deal with financial issues.
– They’re the account ants

“Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail”

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
– He wanted cold hard cash!

Did you hear about the $5,000,000 New Jersey State Lottery?
– The winner gets $5 a year for a million years.

Did you hear about the creditor who got bored?
– He lost interest

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America.
– If I’m not there, I go to work

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
– Now I have $2,999,999.75.

A bank is a place that will lend you money,
– if you can prove that you don’t need it.

A divorced man is walking to town when he discovers an old lamp in oddly impeccable shape glistening through the bushes.
– He decides it’s worth a closer look, walks over and picks it up.

What did the financial adviser say to his client asking about if glass coffins were a good investment?
– “It’s remains to be seen.”

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

I am going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.

Why did the little boy eat his cash?
– Because it was his dinner money!

What do you get when you combine Finland and France?
– Finance.

My financial adviser said I should be tight with my money.
– So when I got home I high-fived my wallet.

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut?
– Because silence is golden.

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