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Money puns in 2025

I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
– A very witch person.

If marriage is grand, then what is divorce?
– Ten grand!

Confused, he called up his brother and asks him if he knows anything about it.

Financial studies are too hard.
– I always lose interest.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.”

A girl asks her mother “How old are you?”
– Her mother replied “Older than most mortgages.”

Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free.

My jam business failed.

My financial situation is so bad…
…I’m being sponsored by a child in Africa.

“Money often costs too much.”

Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

How much money does a skunk have?
– One scent!

How did the Marine pay for food on his business trip?
– He used his carpe per diem

A woman proudly told her friend, “I’m responsible for making my husband a millionaire.”
– “Well what was he before he married you?”
– the friend asked. “A billionaire.”

Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
– He wanted cold, hard cash!

“Oh yeah,” the brother replies.
– “Dad always wanted to go out in style so we rented him a tuxedo.”

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