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Money puns in 2025

The genie reaches into his lantern and pulls out a bank statement on which the man’s name is printed, then hands it to him. “
– You’ll find your finances are in order, to the tune of one billion dollars.
– Don’t forget, your ex has twice as much.
– And for your last wish?”

Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween.
– PENNY-WISE

“Money is the best deodorant.”

I remember being in so much debt that I couldn’t afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.

What coin doubles in value when half is deducted?
– A half dollar

Why can’t the car payment make any friends?
– Because they’re always “a loan”

I saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking.”
– But I didn’t go in. I didn’t have that much time.

Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.

How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
– With Tyrannosaurus checks!

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

A man passes away and his funeral is set to be held in his hometown where one of his sons lives.

I’m normally not one to brag about my financial skills
– But my credit card company calls me almost everyday to inform me my balance is outstanding!

“Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.”

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don’t get to go on.

Borrow money from pessimists,
– they don’t expect it back.

The man rubs his chin for a minute to ponder.
– “I wish to be beaten half to death.”

The five senses have had massive lay-offs in their financial department.
– There’s no accounting for taste.

“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.”

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