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Money puns in 2025

If time is money are ATM’s time machines?

I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter.
– I can’t really talk about it.

“Oh yeah,” the brother replies.
– “Dad always wanted to go out in style so we rented him a tuxedo.”

Why did the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt?
– Pyramid schemes.

“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.”

Nothing says’ I love my dog’ quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own

It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. It does,
– however, put you in a good position to bargain.

My finances got spread too thin.

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers’ balances and deal with financial issues.
– They’re the account ants

“Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail”

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
– He wanted cold hard cash!

Did you hear about the $5,000,000 New Jersey State Lottery?
– The winner gets $5 a year for a million years.

Did you hear about the creditor who got bored?
– He lost interest

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America.
– If I’m not there, I go to work

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
– Now I have $2,999,999.75.

A bank is a place that will lend you money,
– if you can prove that you don’t need it.

A divorced man is walking to town when he discovers an old lamp in oddly impeccable shape glistening through the bushes.
– He decides it’s worth a closer look, walks over and picks it up.

What did the financial adviser say to his client asking about if glass coffins were a good investment?
– “It’s remains to be seen.”

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