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Money puns in 2025

College is the opposite of kidnapping.
– They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children,” and I said, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

Irresponsible financiers must be discredited.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America.
– If I’m not there, I go to work.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they’re asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.

Where do penguins keep their money?
– In snowbanks.

But my credit card company calls me everyday to tell me my balance is outstanding.

A hacker saw my financials
– He set up a go fund me

“Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.”

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