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Nut puns in 2024

When you are telling jokes and everyone goes nuts, it is the high time you bolted away.

Why did a nut win the part of Hamlet in the play?
– He was the best at saying, “To be or nut to be!”

Saw an almond in space once. Think it was an astronut.

What do you call a nut that’s also a majestic sea creature?
– A Nar-walnut.

What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
– The nut-tivity.

A pun about nuts was started to be told by Chris, but he wasn’t able to complete the joke.

Why do ground squirrels make great bodybuilders?
– Because they live on pine nuts and believe in no pine, no gain.

What’s a horror nuts favorite movie?
– Answer: The Creature from the Black Legume

I tried to come up with a squirrel pun but everything I thought of was nuts.

When I understood that I am what I consume, I learned that I was nuts.

Why do motivational speakers hand out walnuts to their clients?
– To ensure they walnut fail.

When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.

The local Ice Cream man was found dead on the floor of his van, covered in nuts, sprinkles and sauce.
– The police think he topped himself.

I will nut tella anyone about our secret stash of nuts.

What was said by the wind to the palm tree?
– HOLD ONTO YOUR NUTS ITS GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF A BLOW!

Why did the squirrel tell his friends he thought he was nuts?
– Because he was told you are what you eat and he pretty much lived on nuts.

I would tell you a joke about peanut butter but you might spread it.

You walnut regret snacking on peanuts. They’re good for you!

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