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Nut puns in 2025

What nut makes you sneeze?
– A ca-shew!

The peanut butter smeared by the man on the street so that the peanut butter can move well with the traffic.

Why are your secrets safe with a walnut eater?
– Because they walnut give them away.

Police found the local ice cream man in his van covered in raspberry sauce, nuts and hundreds & thousands. They think he topped himself…

The squirrel realized it was nuts when it was told “you are what you eat”.

Where do nuts live in West London?
– In Nut-tinghill.

What was said by the car driver to the nut?
– Where is your home?

What’s the most popular spread for TV newscasters?
– Nutella.

What do you call a pistachio on a spaceship?
– Answer: An astro-nut!

I will start my journey today and I walnut fail.

Don’t panic, stay c-almond and collected.

Why do walnuts and pecans go to see a psychiatrist?
– Because they are both nuts.

What do bankers consider the wealthiest nuts?
– Cashoos.

What do you call it when a alien bust a nut
– A starburst

Cashew a question?
– Nut now!

The kind of socks you need when planting nuts are garden hoses.

Why did the nut often go barefoot?
– Because it’s hard to find cashews that fit.

I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti?
– You bet I am.

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