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Squirrel puns in 2025

What do you call a squirrel who is in charge of a bank?
– A branch manager.

How do you catch a squirrel?
– Climb into a tree and act like a nut.

I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts! What do you call a holy squirrel?
– A chipmunk.

How much did the squirrel pay for the car?
– Peanuts.

I was short on food, so I just followed a squirrel so I could steal his nuts.
– It was plenty of work for two small pieces of meat.

How do squirrels remember where their nuts are buried? They use acorn-yms

What did the squirrel say to the psychologist?
– I think I’m nuts.

I was thrown out of the local park for arranging the squirrels by height…
– Apparently they just can’t take a little critter-sizing!

Why don’t squirrels swim in cold water?
– The nuts shrink.

My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it. Nature abhors a vacuum.

What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
– watch NutFlix

If I could talk to squirrels…
– I bet I’d have a pretty nutty conversation.

What happens when more than one squirrel acts like a nut?
– There ends up being a squarrel.

Why did the squirrel blush when she had been hit by a car?
– Because she felt flattered.

A wise squirrel once said “you are what you eat”.
– Don’t believe him, he was a nut.

How do you catch a squirrel who’s interested in ornithology?
– Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.

Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans?
– Because their nuts won’t fit

I’d make fun of what squirrels eat
– But it’d be acorn-y joke.

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