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Train puns in 2025

An express train is just a press train that has lost its job.

Be careful with train drivers, they can go off the rails at anytime!

I swear train conductors never get in trouble. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card.

I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed. He told me it was hard to keep track.

What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?
– Investigators aren’t sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.

Train drivers are really scary when they get angry; you’ve got to be careful not to yank their train.

What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing?
– Achoo choo train.

I finally figured out why you always try to drive me crazy. You have a locomotive.

Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.

I hate train puns.
– They eventually run off the rails.

I’ve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I’m getting really annoyed
It keeps asking me, ‘Where do you want to go?’

– So I click on the icon that says ‘Home’ and then it makes me start all over again.

Even a train driver needs a brake once in a while, to let off some steam.

A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesn’t go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought.

What do you call a sick locomotive?
– A train with a coal-d.

And of course… How would you work out how heavy a whale is?
– You would take it to a whale weigh station….

What’s the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?
– One minds the train while the other trains the mind.

When a train is tired, it is called a slowcomotive.

Train drivers are known for their engine-uity!

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