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Vampire puns in 2025

A vampire can’t be a comedian. They just aren’t funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.

My friend was caught stealing from our local shop while sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

How to you tell if a vampire is sick?
– By how much he is coffin

What do you call a russian vampire?
– Blyat cyka

What is said by a child vampire before going to bed? Turn off the light because I am scared of the light.

What is the reason that vampires just act so crazy? It is in their blood.

Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don’t think they’re funny, but it’s probably to do with them being pun-dead.

A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn’t faulty or anything, he just said he couldn’t see himself using it.

Why don’t vampires bet on horses?
– They can’t handle the stakes.

The local vampire social club is constantly gritting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood.

Fang you very much.

Vampires can always Count on me.

What do you call a narcissistic vampire?
– Transyl*VAIN.*

What is a vampire’s favorite drink? Bloody Mary

I met the child of a snowman and a vampire. He was suffering from a serious case of frostbite

I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.

How do u say goodbye to a vampire?
– So long sucker

On reflection, vampires aren’t that scary.

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