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Vampire puns in 2024

It totally sucks to be me.

Everyone knows that he’s the king of the vampires, and that’s why these funny puns are some of the best around.

The other night I tried to kill a vampire with a really big pointy stick, but my aim was terrible.
– It was a giant missed stake.

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To keep from coffin.

Vampires hate peaches, but they love neck-tarines.

Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire
– It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat

Why didnt the vampire attack taylor swift?
– cuz she got bad blood

What is the way that vampires can cross by sea? They take blood vessels.

Vampires tend to drink Blood Light, but only from a longneck bottle.

Vampires always seem like they’re ill. It’s probably because they’re always coffin.

What’s a vampire’s favorite beer?
– *Bloodw*eiser

One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

What fruit will a vampire be happy to eat? A blood orange.

I felt stupid dressing up on Halloween after I’d turned 13. I thought people might say I was a little bit long on the tooth to still be pretending to be a vampire.

I don’t know what Dracula’s address is, but I’m pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.

What do you call an attention deficit French vampire?
– Drac…Ooh La La!

Q: What has feathers, webbed feet, fangs and says quack-quack?
A: Count Duckula.

A vampire’s torch never runs out of juice. They have an unlimited supply of bat-teries.

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